Stop Being A Doormat In 5 Swift Breaths
A doormat's most popular grievance is that people either don't appreciate them or return their kindness. Proverbial doormats give more than they take, yet they keep giving anyway.
The tendency to give is so ingrained in us women - it's what we do. We give and give and give until it exhausts us. And when we're at our last breath... we give that to others too.
One-way relationships are often the theme, and yet they don't help anyone, because not only do we serve our personal power up on a silver platter, but strip the Taker of the gift of owning their junk (and there is a lot of Gift in learning to deal with our junk). In fact, we inadvertently hinder them of their own growth.
These relationships can be exhausting and lead up to resentment and anger, only adding to our pain. One very important thing to remember: if someone is devaluing us and we're letting them, we're devaluing ourselves too.
Below are 4 ways you can begin to position yourself into a better established position:
1. Get crystal clear
Start getting clear on your values to be an equal in relationships. Being an equal simply means honoring your needs too. If you want to go check out that new movie instead of going to the arcade, let it be known. That means mustering up the courage to say what you want at the risk of being shot down.
Being clear about what you want from the get-go alleviates a lot of pain and stress down the line, and it starts with being clear about what matters most to you. If you don't know your own values and preferences you leave yourself vulnerable to open-season. So, first identify what it is YOU value in life.
2. Establish boundaries
From here you are in a position to establish your emotional and physical boundaries. By doing this you can easier measure what you can and cannot do for others. And - in turn - you are letting them know your limits early enough so there are no blurred lines for future expectations.
The people who learn to respect your boundaries will do that after you first learn to respect your boundaries.
3. Use that voice
Use your voice. Even a little at first until you're comfortable. Using your voice does not mean you have to do it in a harsh way. You can still say No and be kind and composed. Start saying Yes to things that steer you to your joy and No to things you don't want to do.
No to exhausting favors. No to exhausting situations. No to anything that pushes your boundaries and leaves you depleted. No, no, no, no, no! Are you getting the gist of this?
4. Give up the need to be liked
Remember, you are not obligated to do anything for anyone, and your self-worth is not based on what you do for others. Pleasing people all the time is exhausting and we cannot be everyone's person without feeling somewhat depleted.
It's okay to be okay with that. And be okay with who you are so that you can like yourself no matter the circumstance. Making this decision also reveals to you the people who are willing to respect you and your boundaries.
Lastly, remember people will always push against you and try to take advantage. Don't get mad. Realize that this is something that happens and stick to your guns. It may take time, but people will slowly start changing toward you (yes, sometimes slowly). We're human after all.
As long as you see each obstacle as an opportunity for growth, you're more likely to always see the nuggets that are gifted to you.
If you found this post helpful, please share it with someone who may benefit from it. Thank you for your support! I would love to hear from you in the comments.
You might also like: