5 Things To Remember When You Don't Think You're Enough
We live in a world where we're endlessly exposed to someone else's achievements and capabilities. And if they've achieved so much, what does that reflect about us? We warp on this word 'enough' until there are no strings left to rearrange on the comparison scale.
We've spent countless hours convinced we have to do something grand to feel good, or be someone else's version of magnetic to qualify as enough. So, what is enough? Is it real, or is it something we have to work hard to attain? It's not always easy believing we can just be.
The truth is: you are enough just as you are. Nothing to add and nothing to blemish away. So, why do we spend so much time not feeling enough for our peers, our partners, friends, dreams, careers, and even ourselves?
None of that is going to mean anything one day. There will come a moment when we realize we've wasted so much time on things we thought mattered, and that our focus would have be better spent on what was making us happy and content.
Next time you're having a day of inadequacy, give yourself a break and remember this:
1. Recognize it for what it is
The first step in dealing with 'not enough' to is to recognize that it is not a feeling, but a thought. Think it. The feeling is a reaction to the belief that you are not enough. The very thought you tell yourself results in your feeling that way.
We don't have to believe everything we think. We have the power to choose what we are going to entertain. The moment we begin to realize that it's only a thought, we can start training ourselves to think differently and not dance with the negative voices blowing up untruths in our head.
2. Stop the comparison
Know that others go through their own ups and downs too. If 'enough' is measured by material results, it's measured by looking to others and their perfect lives, perfect body, house, dog or family. Those people we're looking at are going through their own doubts and feelings of lack.
It's highly probable that they don't even feel what we regard as perfect. Remember, when we compare it's never on an even playing field. Instead, look within and you will see you have and are so much more than you've realized.
3. There is more right with you than there is wrong
Instead of focusing on what you don't like, realize and notice all the things that make you wonderful. There will always be another accomplishment, another 'imperfection', another challenge to overcome, but those things don't define the type of person you are.
You will always have more strengths and talents than the areas you feel you're lacking. I think that's pretty much more than enough if those things were competing on a scale, don't you?
4. Let go of approval
Most fears of inadequacy and rejection are based on the need to be accepted by others. As long as we hold onto this, our self esteem is going to fluctuate according to someone else's stamp of approval or rejection letter. And this, in turn, affects the way we feel about ourselves.
Approval is something that should come toward us, because in that way we know it's by people who are willing to accept us for who we are. Next time you have a decision to make let go of the need to validate it through the eyes of someone else. And instead, check within yourself and decide what feels good and right for you.
5. Progress is the name of the game; perfection is so yesterday
The steps in between are what get us where we need to be. Enough is not perfection, because perfection isn't real. It's subjective. By looking back at our progress we get a sense of accomplishment because we see how far we've come.
By searching for perfection, we focus on how far we need to go, and sometimes get stuck in the not yet being there. While there's nothing wrong with making note of how far we still need to go, I've seen that leave people feeling defeated.
Instead, focus on the touchdown moments you've reached so far, as these help create momentum and a sense of accomplishment.
We all grapple with these feelings from time to time. What's important is that we feel our worth more often than we don't. Humans have the hardest time accepting the aspect of just being and not seeing our worth as subjective.
There is nothing to prove. You are enough as you are. And on days you don't believe it, give yourself room and remember that you're one thought away from turning it around.
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